Night of the Living Dead at Angel Stadium
There was much rejoicing when Arte Moreno bought the Angels last year and reduced beer prices. But it is becoming plainly clear the Moreno is supplementing whatever revenue was lost through those cuts by tripling the number of yellow-shirted goons who wander through the stadium hocking everything from stuffed Rally Monkeys to Domino’s Pizza.
I was at the game last night and at one point saw six — SIX! — vendors in my section at the same time. It looked like Night of the Living Dead. They had to shout over one another — “Peanuts!” “Ice Cream!” “Gitcher ice cold Pepsi heeyar!” — in a virtual orgy of ballpark commerce that at best distracted people from the game and at worst created a barking wall of yellow polyester that blocked the the entire field level from watching porky Bartolo Colon mow down the Blue Jays.
Arte. Buddy. Is this really necessary? Is the profit from the riot of advertising on the outfield walls and scoreboards not adequate? Must we be subjected to $3.75 bags of Cracker Jacks and projectile bags of peanuts at all times during the game?
But since we all know what a shrewd businessman you are, let’s compromise. I’ll allow the parade of acned college kids to continue if you take that horrendous radio announcer, Terry Smith, out to the rock pile in centerfield and propel his tone-deaf ass out from the fireworks cannons onto the 57 Freeway. [holding out hand] Do we have a deal?