Slither slither

My 2 unit junior college course in zoology and Wildboyz DVDs have made me an expert in all things wildery. This includes the deadly Boa Constrictor (Epicrates optimus prime). This very deadly, very poisonous snake is indigenous to Southern Orange County and can transform into a big rig when provoked.

These bad boys can grow up to five kilometers in length and feed on a steady diet of cantaloupe and energon cubes. This one one here, which I saw on the Aliso Creek trail, was only a fledgling so I restrained the use of my snake ninjitsu (also a 2 unit course).

9 Comments so far

  1. Ken (unregistered) on May 10th, 2005 @ 7:30 am

    Wow! Five Kilomet… wait a sec. (goes to his conversion table) What’choo talkin’bout, Terry?

    Is this right? Three miles? (Or, more appropriately, is this POSSIBLE?)

  2. DanGarion (unregistered) on May 10th, 2005 @ 9:14 am

    I don’t even think Boa’s are “very” poisonous. But yeah they don’t grow 5 KM.

  3. Terry Chen (unregistered) on May 10th, 2005 @ 12:06 pm

    Everybody who has taken a 2 unit course in basic zoology raise their hand. *raises hand* Clearly I’m the only one here who knows what they’re talking about.

  4. Will Campbell (unregistered) on May 13th, 2005 @ 12:51 pm

    Never took a basic zoology course, but I did sleep in a Holiday Inn Express last night!

    Actually, my only claim to being any sort of authority on the subject is that I do work at the L.A. Zoo, and thus feel compelled (for the geeksake of factual accuracy) to belaboringly point out is that you came across a fine and healthy specimen of gopher snake (Pituophis sp.). Entirely and harmlessly nonvenomous, there’s no need to hide your melons.

    The trouble with gopher snakes is that they’ve evolved to become very good immitators of rattlesnake defense actions. Specifically, when threatened they coil up, flatten their head, hiss, and even whip the tip of their tail back and forth to mimic a rattle. These behaviors work great on coyotes and other such predators, but humans usually go “Oh shit!” before grabbing the nearest yard tool or rock within which to destroy the poor reptile.

    Gophers, the snake’s main food source, love it when that happens. Me? Not so much.

  5. Terry Chen (unregistered) on May 13th, 2005 @ 12:58 pm

    Gopher snakes eat gophers? Since when?

  6. Will Campbell (unregistered) on May 13th, 2005 @ 1:03 pm

    Since 1973 I believe. In the east they’re known as pine snakes or bull snakes, but thankfully they don’t eat either of those things. Unless they’re really, really small.

  7. Terry Chen (unregistered) on May 13th, 2005 @ 1:08 pm

    *teehee* you said ‘hide your melons’.

  8. Chaos (unregistered) on October 9th, 2005 @ 7:04 pm


    email me for translation

  9. Chaos (unregistered) on October 9th, 2005 @ 7:06 pm

    oops… email is c*h40z*7h30*ry@ai* (remove asterisks… fraking email spiders you’ll never spam me! never!!!

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