Thar’s Gay in Them Thar Hills!
The headline screams “California braces for same-sex marriage gold rush”!
[insert tongue in cheek]
So this begs the question: Are you prepared? Do you have your gay-marriage preparedness kit? Do you have a supply of water, extra food and flashlights in case you encounter a gay marriage today? Do you know what to do if you or your (who pray who will protect the) children should unwittingly stumble into a gay marriage ceremony? No? Insert your favorite purple Miata joke here.
“Brace” yourself. This one is gonna be a big shaker the likes of which you have never seen! Prepare for the end is near! Orange County may lie in ruins before week’s end. The gay marriages are upon us and the county’s infrastructure may fail, water will be scarce and emergency services will be stretched to the breaking point. Look out for your basic end-times stuff: Flood, famine and rioting at the local Pottery Barn gift registry desk. Everyone’s coming to stake their big gay claim - just think of how this will negatively affect our economy.
You may want to steer clear of gay hot spots like Crate & Barrel, The County Clerk’s office and the local courthouses. For God’s sake don’t look these people people directly in the eyes. We wouldn’t want you to glean a bit of understanding or humanity from them. It’s safer if you just blindly hate. It’s what’s best for the stability of our local communities. Not unlike Raiders of the Lost Ark your face may melt if you don’t keep your eyeballs tightly ensconced behind your eyelids.
[remove tongue from cheek]
Yay! Today’s the big day. I’d like to wish all the best to LGBT residents of Orange County who are going to get their marriage licenses today. It’s been a long time coming and you deserve all the same rights as the rest of us, including the California community property laws (50/50 baby). Salut!
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YAY!