Want to scare yourself silly this October? Then join me for OC Metroblog’s five-part series, featuring the scariest, most demented, creepiest theme park attractions in our neck of the woods. It’s just in time for Halloween!
Number One: Snow White’s Scary Adventures
Touch the golden apple at the entrance to this fifty-eight year old attraction. The bone chilling laugh that suddenly permeates the air gives a taste of what lies in wait for those who climb aboard the ride from hell. Think I’m exaggerating? Read on… if you dare.
It all starts innocently enough with cute dwarves singing The Silly Song and cuddly woodland creatures populating Snow White’s forrest home. It isn’t long before the evil Queen reminds us, “Soon I’ll be fairest in the land” and before you can question her motives it’s off to the diamond mine. Oh look the pretty colors and the shiny jewels! What a wanton pleasure cruise this turned out to be huh? Wait. Are those vultures perched overhead? They sure do look mean.
Here’s where things get really dark. Two giant castle gates swing open and the evil queen whirls around lunging at your ride vehicle – only she has now magically transformed herself into a withered old hag! Unfortunately for you, it aint over yet. You escape the Witch by dashing through a dark, spooky castle where you catch a glimpse of others who tried to run from her only to be chained to the walls and left to die. You scramble though the dungeon laying eyes on the horrid Witch once again – this time with her brew of poison. Clearly she’s got murder on her mind.
Once outside you journey through the seemingly endless dark (and I do mean dark) forrest full of crocodiles and bats and menacing trees trying to reach out and eat you – just like in that movie Poltergeist. Every twist a new horror, every turn unrelenting! It’s all capped-off by the third appearance of the Witch, who after offering you a poisoned apple, attempts to crush you to death under a giant boulder. Alas, at the last moment you are saved by a lightning strike that causes the Witch to fall to a gruesome death…
And they lived happily ever after.
So why does it make the number one spot? Because Snow White’s Scary Adventures is a ride in which your (inner) child starts screaming and never stops.
Those who turn up their nose at the idea that this actually is indeed a scary ride, need to do me a favor: the next time you take a spin on SWSA, pretend you’re five years old. No really, dig deep and pretend you are five and then ride it with fresh wide eyes. No matter what your age Snow White’s Scary Adventures is thematically the scariest, most demented, creepiest theme park attraction in the county.
First off, you’re supposed to be Snow White. Never mind the fact that you also see the famed princess in the opening scene; this was added in the eighties to help confused Guests. Some people never caught on to the concept that by boarding the mine car dwarf’s bed/car they were about to live Snow White’s adventures for themselves – instead of just passively watching the scenery go by. If you want passive attractions, go ride Winnie the Pooh.
After that Witch jumps out at you for the first time it’s all down hill and your child is most certainly scared shitless. Sure, you think to yourself it wall be over soon and then you’ll take little Johnny or little Joanie on something quite and peaceful like the Storybook Land Canal Boats. Yeah good luck with that. My wife took her younger sister on this ride and she cried for an hour and refused to ride any attraction that was housed inside a building for the rest of the day. Fun for the whole family.
SWSA is notorious for terrifying children and scarring the feeble-minded for life. Kids who are just fine on Haunted Mansion are sent into hysterics by the likes of that damned Witch. The problem was so great that Disneyland actually changed the name of the ride from Snow White’s Adventures to Snow White’s Scary Adventures in an effort to give riders a better idea of what kind of terrors to expect.
The name change didn’t have much affect. Children are still horrified and Snow White still tops my list. It’s a story that starts out light and just gets darker and darker and darker until it ends with a violent death. Sure the good guys escape with their lives, but what fun is living when you’re going to have to pay for all that post traumatic stress therapy in the years to follow?
[Click here to read the Number two pick for The 5 Spookiest Theme Park Attractions in Orange County]