Bolsa Chica Morning Report

Miserable. That’s the word to describe it. Cold — we’re talking blue balls cold. The water’s littered with floating trash and muck. Walking to the water is like walking across the Atlanta rail yards in “Gone with the Wind” — only everyone’s oiled up and beered up. The parking lots are full — God only knows why — and the line-up is so crowded you could walk board-to-board all the way to San Clemente. The water is thick with jelly fish, dolphins are knocking people off their boards and stingrays are pulling people out of their cars to nail ’em. Oh, and did I mention the sharks?

As for waves, you’re better off at Irvine Lake.

My advice? Stay home. Go to IHOP. Anything, just forget about the beach. At least until around 10am — by then I should’ve had my share.

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