Archive for December, 2007

"I have forwarded this to Lou Dobbs…"

At Christmas my hope for humanity usually swells to an all-time high. Today, less than 24 hours since the big fat man paid us all a visit, I am back to my normal doom and gloom self. Thank Amun-Ra for the morons who post at The Register‘s web site – they always come through in a pinch

All hope is lost again. Here’s proof: The Small Business Blog had a post about the new I-9 forms that go into effect today. In part is says:

“The revised form reduces the number of documents employers can accept to verify employment eligibility. The government eliminated five documents because they lacked security features necessary to deter counterfeiting, tampering and fraud.
The five eliminated ID documents are:

• Certificate of U.S. Citizenship (Form N-560 or N-561)
• Certificate of Naturalization (Form N-550 or N-570)
• Alien Registration Receipt Card (I-151)
• Unexpired Reentry Permit (Form I-327)
• Unexpired Refugee Travel Document (Form I-571)

In addition, employees no longer must provide a Social Security number unless they are employed by an employer who participates in E-Verify.”

The brain dead trolls who post to forums and write letters to the FCC on behalf of the Parents Television Council and worship at the alter of Rush Limbaugh like a herd of mildly narcotized lemurs posted this:

“Marshall Bryan Says:
December 26th, 2007 at 10:22 am
I have forwarded this to Lou Dobbs, I suggest all citizens call their reps and find out what the heck is going on!”

Ah. It’s nice to shake off all the Holiday cheer so I can feel like my old self again. Perhaps I should thank Marshall (and have him give my best to Lou Dobbs) because he amuses me with his sheer unadulterated stupidity! Sometimes I am proud to live in Orange County and other times I am embarrassed. Guess which feeling Marshall gives me.

Good Golly Miss Molly

This morning I was escorting my mother to John Wayne Airport for her return to the wet and dreary weather of the Oregon Coast when what to my wandering eyes should appear? No, it wasn’t a sleigh and eight reindeer. Instead it was Little Richard and eight members of his entourage. What exactly does one do when Little Richard flags them down and shouts “Merry Christmas! How’re y’all doin’?”

In my line of work I bump into celebrities often enough, so it’s rare that I’m at a loss for words but in this case his verbal outburst took me off guard. Of course on the inside I was screaming “YOU ‘INVENTED’ ROCK AND ROLL” and “OH MY GOD HOW MUCH PLASTIC SURGURY HAVE YOU HAD ANYWAY?” but outwardly I was wearing a thick layer of elegant distain and vague disinterest.

Normally the OC-rule-of-celebrity-encounters dictates that you treat them like anyone else (especially if they are A-Listers) and let them go about their business. After all they deserve their privacy and this isn’t exactly a paparazzi hot spot. Also, based on our proximity to LA you can expect to see them pretty much everywhere you go.

However, when the (non A-List) celebrity is wearing a big fur coat, sitting in wheelchair surrounded by an entourage and is yelling at you to come say hello, then I suppose you should oblige. So we did just that – essentially we wished him a Happy Holiday and went on our merry way. My mom was thrilled and I was amused.

So Merry Christmas to you Little Richard and thanks for being so friendly and making my Mom’s day! You rock (literally).

Personally I prefer the Muppet version…

Last night I rounded up the whole fandamily (all three of us) and headed down to Costa Mesa to see South Coast Repertory’s 28th season of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. Bah!

This rendition of the beloved holiday tradition doesn’t bring much new to the table. It’s a tried and true quaint production with very distinct community theater undertones.

That’s not to say the production was bad, it was just what you would expect – it delivered the perquisite ghosts and humbugs and redemptions we’ve all come to expect from any incarnation of this Dickens classic.

The adaptation was clumsy, the dialog was casual-contemporary and there wasn’t an English accent in the entire cast – maybe that was a blessing. One thing that stuck out like a sore thumb was a fair amount of color blind casting.

I don’t really mind mixing it up with people of all races I suppose, but it was a bit incongruous. In the case of young Ebenezer it was down right distracting. According to this particular production, Scrooge began life as a nice Latino boy who grew into fine Indian fellow and then eventually an old bald white man. I really don’t care what race you make Scrooge, but I feel you ought to pick one and stick to it.

Despite all the distractions, the silly adaptation and questionable acting from some of the youngsters there was a nice warm sense of familiarity about the whole affair. If you just sit back, relax and let the production wash over you like a nice cup of hot cocoa, you’ll find it to be the comforting holiday tradition you know and love.

Heck, as long as you get to hear Tiny Tim say “God bless us, every one”, you got your money’s worth.

The Holidays: OC Style

OC Style

Efron & Lil Wayne: Brothers From Different Mothers

OC Weekly has posted the funniest god damn thing I have seen in loooooooooong time. It’s an “article” about how Lil Wayne will be remixing the latest High School Musical album, called “High School Musical 2: Non-Stop Dance Party“.

The high point is when Wayne is “quoted” as saying “I get up in the morning, get my dick sucked four times, drink a Molson’s, and then hang out with Zac [Efron].” You don’t say? My oh my such salty language!

Those kids over at the Weekly seem to be filling the void wile SNL is on hiatus. Funny stuff. Good times. You can check out the whole gosh-durrned thing on their web site. If you want to hear real kids lip syncing to HSM2, check them out live, daily at California Adventure.

If You Are Thinking About Going to LA

to see the DWP light display, I have one word for you.


We happened to be in the area this past Sunday, as we spent the day at the newly-remodeld-to-us Griffith Observatory. It was an absolutely beautiful day, and of the countless times I have been to Griffith Observatory, I don’t ever remember the views being so spectacular. If you haven’t checked out the Observatory, I highly recommend it, even though parking is (as always) a bitch.

Anyhoo, since the light display was down at the zoo entrance, we decided to go. Big mistake. Once you turn onto Crystal Springs Drive, you are stuck. There is no way you can go, oh crap, this is going to take too long and change your mind. You are in it for the long haul. And while the display was sort of interesting, there was no way it was worth the 40 minutes we spent idling in bumper to bumper traffic waiting to see it.

But if you do decide to ignore my advie, make sure you position yourself in the left lane. Because if you are in the right lane, you will be playing a futile game of attempting look around all of the hulking SUV’s to see the displays, which are all positioned on the left side!

Way to go, DWP! Let’s get thousands of cars idling for 90+ minutes just to see your self-congratulating light display! I love your eco-conciousness! Not to mention the traffic created on the 5 from the people waiting to get off at Los Feliz, which backs up quickly.

A Very Unscientific Poll

Half Naked Mormon Boys!

[Click to Engorge]

I suppose a more politically correct subject for this post would be Half Naked LDS Boys! It’s just a little something I learned by spending three years of my life in the God-forsaken state of Utah.

Anyway, while perusing the local Calendar Club at Main Place Mall I came across the best calendar in the history of calendars. Ladies and Gentleman I give you Mormons Exposed, Men on a Mission 12 Month Calendar! Behold its overwhelming greatness! Stand in awe of its astounding silliness! Admire all of the puritanical flesh!

When my wife and I eyed this merchandise, we giggled till we nearly peed. There is something bizarrely wholesome and yet outlandishly obscene about this calendar – so of course we bought two. There was one for my wife and I and one for our very best gay!

You’ll either find it gloriously offensive or hideously funny – or both. Seriously, giggle fits ensue whenever we see it. Something about the white shirts and nametags commingling with all those beefcake shots just makes you smile. For some I’m sure it creates a vague stirring of the loins too. Three of the models live in our neck of the woods, so you know, if you see one of them be sure to get an autograph. Or perhaps a phone number?

They have a web site and an official YouTube video which you can see after the jump – it’s a bit spicy so you might not want to watch it around the dinner table with your folks.

You know, it just occurred to me that it might be posts like this that kept me out of Big Brothers Big Sisters. Ah well, too late now.

***** Heads up: I’m headed out of town for a week to the other Orange County so you won’t see posts from me. However, I will be remote posting to my personal blog if that interests you. Happy Chanukah and I’ll see you all in a week!


They must have had a moral objection…

We’ve all faced rejection at one time or another. In fact, the fabric of our short lives on this planet is generally composed of small successes, personal failures, strong relationships and yes, quite a bit of rejection. Most of the time we’re able to brace ourselves for that rejection. When it’s from someone we love or someone we lust after, it can be particularly painful. Of course being rejected by prospective employers is pretty common too – we’ve all interviewed for a job we didn’t get.

Riddle me this? Have you ever been rebuffed when trying to help someone? Have you ever been rejected when trying to lend a helping hand or when attempting to enrich the lives of others by giving of yourself? In my opinion this particular type of refusal stings the most. Here you are trying to do the right thing and you’re basically being told to get bent. Nice.

Where am I going with this? About a month ago I decided I would volunteer with Big Brothers Big Sisters of Orange County. I figured, it was an excellent opportunity to enrich the life of a child and it seemed like a good fit for me. They’re not religiously affiliated (which is what I was looking for) and they’re always looking for “bigs” to match up with “littles”. I thought to myself, “they need my help and I’m happy to give it”.

More about my personal failures after the jump…


Bad Santa

Last week, we went to Disneyland, looking to perhaps take a photo for our Christmas card. And actually, we don’t do a family photo because we figure, everybody knows what we look like, they want to see the boy. So we try to make people happy. We’re all about the happy.

Two places I normally go to for Santa photos have great Santas. The beards are real, the eyebrows are real, the tummy, everything.

I thought to myself, and compared to those guys, how much better is the Santa at Disneyland going to be? I mean, it’s Disney, where everything is perfect all the time. So I chortled to myself, thinking we were going to get a picture with the uber-Santa. The Santa to end all Santas.

After standing in line for over a half hour, we finally get a glimpse of the man who is supposed to provide me with THE photo.

Can you say, fake beard? Can you say, white clown makeup on the eyebrows? Can you say young guy pretending to be old Santa? Add to that, I swear he looks drunk in the photos. I’m not saying he was actually drunk, but he sure looks like he tossed back a few too many spiked eggnogs.

I was crushed.

Disney, who can make anything look real, gave me a fake Santa.

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